Living for today and the everlasting moments to be

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Legacy. A word seemingly so far and yet, so close. It's a word we're reminded of at loved one’s funerals, flower and balloon arrangements on streets and highways, monuments in the park, and timelessly recycled quotes. Remembering their life before passing (or whatever next looks like to you) and the lives they touched.

It’s those very moments where reflection and grief are ever present. I’ve talked about grief on the blog a few times before. These moments remind us of the footprints, the words, the actions that will forever be etched in our memories; us, the humans left behind to (re)build, to tread forward.

I'll be 36 next month or 13,140 days old to be exact. On the eve of another life milestone, I'm contemplating the pieces of me I continue to leave behind.

In a studio posing before a podcast session with a friend.

If I had a magic wand illuminating what I want to be remembered for, it's this:

My infectious smile and calm I bring to the world around me.

My ability to disarm and create space for vulnerability and authenticity.

My presence and connection with and for my child.

My random rumblings, insatiable humor, and antipotluck rhetoric.

Ultimately, remember me for my critical thoughts and magnification of humanity.

The reality is, I don’t get to decide how people show up at my funeral. I don’t even get to decide whether my intentions are viewed as purely as I believe them to be. I don’t get to decide what specific moments and meaning I gave to people that made them remember me. I could be remembered for a misstep, a good deed, or something in between.

Image of Willow Falls at Willow State Park. Hudson Wisconsin Summer 2023. — Willow Falls at Willow State Park. Hudson Wisconsin Summer 2023.

What I do get to control is how I choose life and the moments within. Even using the words "I get to…" give me evidence of life and choices I can pursue. For many like me, life hasn't always been roses, if anything I'm healing profusely from the thorns and making meaning of the beauty in the mundane. I get to choose my path forward that says, things may have happened to me, but I don’t have to let them be the end of me. I wont let the worst of life’s moments ever get the best of me. I don’t have to let negative circumstances be the reason to poison or sabotage my happiness.

Someone said the other day, “we need to stop calling people crazy and say what it really is…unaddressed trauma.” I agree. Unaddressed trauma, unresolved grief, unexpressed love can look so many different ways. Yet, devoid of judgement, there’s compassion and wisdom in knowing the depth of humanity’s pain, despair, and hope.

So, this next year of life is dedicated to staying more true and showing up for myself.

It’s writing more. It’s less self-editing.
It’s letting my child be a child and not projecting the missing pieces of my inner child.
It’s choosing to spend 80% of my time, love, and investment with and for the people that are in my corner as champions, cheerleaders, co-conspirators, storytellers, and builders.
It’s telling people I love them; that I find them beautiful even if I meet them once and never again.

This year to come is another reminder to be gentle with myself. Calling in rest, ease, and goodness. Its a year I claim as a new journey I’ve never gone before. 36. Let me learn, love, and undoubtedly grow. Let me dream big, live bigger, and love bolder. Today is my legacy to love and let go.

xoxo

Jocelyn