An abundance of lessons from my kid Kai
Reading time: 3 minutes
Child at a park observing pavement and playing with a rock.
Kaiden’s name means warrior and he’s for sure living up to the meaning. While I could do a whole Ted Talk on how much this kid has awakened my inner child and my reasons to reimagine parenting, for now, I’ll share the cliff notes.
Most certainly, Kaiden’s teaching me about change. He’s navigating change and the ways “little changers” can adapt sometimes effortlessly through new normals. He’s taught me some days are good and some days can be really hard - and it’s always good to name what is. Nearly every day, he says: “mom, let me teach you or tell you something…” and then I strive to get on his level, listen intently, and find something new to learn.
Things my son has taught me:
Creativity an unexpected reimagining of grief.
My kid is imaginative. He channels compelling stories on humor, harmony, tragedy, and triumph. The winding tales and plot twists (usually a scary, funny, or sad monster) leave me at the edge of my seat amazed at not only his grand vocabulary, but also his ability to draw the most unfathomable connections.
Sometimes we’ll read stories from books and often we tag team on a make believe story while collaborating on details and what happens next. I’ve witnessed him use storytelling and play to cope through change and I see it as one of his many superpowers.
Be Kind, Be Gentle, Hugs are love.
Transitions can be hard for a number of reasons. A kid playing the literal disc in shuffleboard between two homes is no different (I’ll talk about co-parenting in a future post). So, I take it slow . I validate and lean into every ounce of sadness, anger, frustration, happiness, excitement, whatever. We bruise and break the emotionality of boys too soon. His feelings will always be something I’ll help foster.In action, this is morning pep talks and words of affirmation. It’s phone calls to school to check in; even if just to say I love you. When I can, it’s early school pickups just to spend more time. It’s me not getting offended when he’s less than excited to see me during my parenting days or when he misses his dad.
I validate everything and find a way to support through hard times. Change is tough so I cherish the days and embrace what’s needed in each moment.
“Look mom, I made a whole mess”
Words literally from a weekend of indoor crafts because the weather was too MN chilly for the park. I was fixing up Black spider-man frames in his room and entered a living room filled with 100ish shreds of package stuffing everywhere.
Instead of getting mad, upset, or yelling about the unexpected art-making event, I chalked it all up to us both needing a snack break. Honestly, we had fun with the vacuum clean up later – being a kid is all about finding joy in the mess.
I’ve been guilty of wanting an overly clean space but have shifted my expectations to amplify moments of joy and wonder. In those moments, Kaiden continues to show me something incredible and, well, chaos can be beautiful.
Resources for inspiration:
Slavery left a legacy of corporal punishment on the Black community (Baltimore Sun)
Some favorite healed and unbothered parenting teachers on Instagram:
Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston (Youtube Music Video)
Reflection prompts:
Where do you let children lead?
What have children taught you?
What are you keeping from your childhood? What traditions and practices are you rewriting?
*"Little changers" coined by the black panthers and a reference for Black children who attended liberation schools in the 1960s.